I'm Just Sayin'

"Fall down seven times, stand up eight."  This Japanese proverb is simple  instruction for stick- to -it -ness. We have been bombarded with ceaseless urging,  from an early age, from all sides, constantly and with great fervor...to never, never give up. I know this is valuable advise... after all, few succeed the first time they have a go at something. If we don't keep trying, we will have few victories. But is "never give up" always the best motto? We'll never be able to know beforehand if a particular goal is attainable, but how can we know if a particular goal is worth the effort or is an honorable goal...how can we know if what we wish to attain is the right goal?

Sometimes the best move is to quit...throw in the towel...retreat. Sometimes it's best to just go home.  Defeatist attitude? Let's just call it a reasonable assessment of risk and reward. When a battered, beat up boxer stands up on unsure legs after receiving a bone jarring, brain brusing right cross which knocks him half way across the ring on his way to the mat, nods  affirmatively to the referee when asked if he wants to continue...is this boxer making the right decision? When any of us has become a battered boxer while attempting to attain whatever we are fighting for, we must make the same choice.

There is a difference between giving up a battle, in order to fight another day and losing or forfeiting the war. And sometimes, the best policy may be to forfeit the war. Sometimes defeat is an option. Sometimes a loss is inevitable. The benefit of experiencing loss is the experience of learning from that loss. We are not teaching our children how to lose. We won't allow them to lose. We have them play games in which there are no winners and losers. I cannot understand the value to the child of this strategy. We are teaching our kids delusional rationality. It seems that the lesson the child takes from this "everybody is a winner" mentality is that even a lesser effort wins. The reality of real life will be quite a shock to these children as they expect rewards to be presented to them no matter how lack luster their effort. They hear us telling them to never give up and they can have whatever they want but  what they really expect is entitlement.

There are always winners and losers.  No one will always be a winner and no one will always be a loser.  Let's teach our children that they can't always have what they fight for....that  sometimes the effort is more noble than the win. Perseverance, steadfastness and endurance are admirable traits, but the key is to balance effort with a realistic assessment of risk and reward.