I'm Just Sayin'

A new movie has recently been released. The Bucket List,  starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman is the story of two old guys who, who have found out that neither has much longer to live and decide to make a bucket list...or a list of things they want to do before they "kick the bucket".  So we now have a new catch phrase..."I'll put that on my bucket list...my list of things to do. I don't have a bucket list, nor do I intend to assemble such a list. I suppose there is really no harm done by making a list of things one wants to do before it's too late, but I can't think of all the things I want to do before I die and besides, lists are, by the very nature of lists, limiting....they can never be complete.  Instead of a bucket list, I've decided to make a "fuckit list". My "fuckit list" is my declaration of things I WILL NOT do before I die. Like I said, lists are never complete, but they can also be modified or expanded as new things I will not do... come to mind.

So here is my fuckit list, or at least the beginning of my fuckit list...with exception of the first item on my list, nothing is in any particular order:

1)   I will never join AARP. 
I will never read "War and Peace"..it's too long, or "Gone with the Wind"...saw the movie, or anything written by L Ron Hubbard.
I will never visit the Middle East.  
I will never go to a Yanni concert.
I will never attempt to learn Cantonese.
I'll never pay to go where it's cold.
I'll never try to find Jesus or be born again.
I'll never play bingo.
I will never participate in a line dance, including but not limited to the electric slide, the El Paso or the cowboy cha-cha or any type of group  dance including square dancing.
I will not wear a t- shirt that says, "I'm with stupid"
I'll never wear plaid Bermuda shorts, white shoes or any garment that uses Velcro as a fastening device.
I will never visit Branson,  Missouri.
I will never get a hair transplant or attempt a comb over.
I will never, never, never  voluntarily listen to any rap "music", hip hop or any variation of either.

So there...I've started my fuckit list. It's short.... I know..I have lots more to list and I will return with more things I'll never do and the list will grow.  Stay tuned.